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Elbanon: Twas the Night Before Reunion; Anaisse WolfsHeart interviews Hoerkin StarProfit

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           //   -_-        07/18/99--No. 16--Vol. 1     '
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            \)          O    Oo.    ..         Table of Contents
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Editor : Mystaric        Oo..    b;;;;       Feature    ... Cry  2
Printer: Bede               OooO';;;O::   *  Poems&Stories. Cry  7
                               .o.O.'qb .P"- Spot Light ... Cry 11
         [STAFF]              dOo'oD  qoP    Funny Bones... Cry 12
Allison  Anaisse  Apollonia   Udo            QuestCentral.. Cry 16
Brakko   Conran   Cyniq        qob           Organizations. Cry 20
Dacoit   Deevlit  Elbanon       qob          Horoscopes ... Cry 21
Keroppi  Kuah     Louellin      OP           Announcements. Cry 23
Naeblis  Ranstlin Romanu       d' O         
Thabo    Tunclon  Vestia      .P  l
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 -------------------- The Cry of Despair Feature Story --------------------
Brakko: 'What is your biggest responsibility as an imm? As an Editor?'
Mystaric: 'I have many responsibilities as an imm for one I'm responsible
           for all the of coding I partake in and making sure that it 
           dosent cause harm to the realms, which at times it does :P I'm 
           part of the big Imm team, and try to work together with them 
           to make this place run smoothly and make it a fun environment 
           for everyone as an editor, I'm responsible for all content in 
           the paper, and decisions on what gets printed and what dosent.  
           At times my responsibilities between editor/Imm crash into each
           other. But the immortal community and myself solve those conflicts
           when they arise'
Brakko: 'Mystaric how does it feel to have resuscitated the long lost
         Newspaper of the Realms?'
Mystaric: 'Feels great, I'm glad I could put together a group of people
           who work, well together and work well for realms. I hope we 
           can keep it up for ever within the first 3 months we have 
           achieved a lot, I'm hoping to make the paper bigger, better, 
           and to make it a real asset to realms.'
Conran: 'Are you currently working on any coding projects that we can look 
         forward to seeing in the near future?'
Mystaric: 'I'm working on coding projects, yes.  I cant comment on them at 
           this time until they are finished :) but I can say, I'm positive
           they will be very entertaining for all'
Brakko 'Mystaric other than coding and editing what else do you do in the
Mystaric: 'I'm a member of Maidenstone, currently I'm working on an area, 
           and I do my general immie duties'
Brakko 'can you describe the general setting of your area to come?'
Mystaric: 'my area is based on the Devine Comedy. The first part will be 
           inferno. The area will lead characters through the circles of 
           hell and to the center of hell, with all kinds of fun and unique
           surprises along the way'
Brakko: 'when did you start playing the Realms?'
Mystaric: 'good question, I started out on a character named Mystaria, 
           she is a member of GoD.  it took her a very long time to av.
           She was adopted my Phred Fyremusik and is still in GoD. I think 
           I have been around here for almost 2 years but when your on here 
           time seems to stand still'
Brakko: 'what is your favorite place on the Realms? your office or any 
         hq doent count =P'
Mystaric: 'My favorite place is my mortal home, the panda in Kontaur, 
           Korith and I spent a lot of time there over the years.  This 
           October will be out 2 year wedding anniversary'
Brakko: 'when you were growing up in the realms (were a lowbie) who did 
         you look up to if anyone?'
Mystaric: 'Drune helped me a lot when I was a newbie, I was totally lost.  
           I used to play other LP based muds for years, but this was my 
           first smaug based mud. and I didn't have a clue as to what to 
           do or where to go. Drune really helped me, then Phred helped 
           me and adopted me, and then the entire GoD took me in their 
           fold and molded me.'
Cyniq: 'what is your crowning achievement here on rod?'
Mystaric: 'At this point in time it would be the paper. I'm very pleased
           with all the progress the CoD has made and looking forward to 
           the future with them :)'
Conran: 'Were you in the previous paper's staff?'
Mystaric: 'i was not on the previous paper staff'
Thabo: 'what sort of requests for coding do ya get?'
Mystaric: 'from the moment I log on I get all types of requests for 
           coding help.  I try to explain to everyone that I am here 
           for the benefit of RoD, and not as an online answer factory,
           I direct 100% of coding question to the Smaug mailing list. People 
           automatically think because I'm on the coding council I have the
           answer to all Smaug coding questions/mud client questions/ISP
           questions/building questions when in reality I only can answer
           questions on code I have been in direct contact with. so if I 
           sound slightly cold when direction you to Smaug mailing list, 
           take into account, I cant sit here and answer all questions, and 
           it is not my position to '
Elbanon says 'why did you imm? Were you in any councils before you immed?'
Mystaric says 'my original idea was to code all sorts of things for 
               Maidenstone, but I realized that I would have to code for the 
               entire RoD community. I enjoy coding and wanted to help with the
               Smaug lib development. This character was in TS before I immed, 
               I also was the number 2 in Maidenstone'
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The night before the Reunion ...
Twas the night of the Reunion, and all through the hotel,
Not a creature was stirring, not even an elf.
Our shields and our swords were hung with care.
In hopes that St. Thoric would soon be there.
We were all nestled within the cheep beds.
While visions of Mystaric danced in our heads.
With mamma with her 'Bane and I with my 'Bliv,
Had just settled in for some cheap hotel swill.
When out in the parking lot, there rose a great clatter,
I struggled out of bed to see the matter,
Away to the window, I tripped and I glitched.
Tore open the curtains and fiddled with hitch.
The moon on the breast of the new-laid concrete
Gave the luster of mid-day to the vehicles in the street.
When, what to my bleary eyes should appear,
But, a miniature sleigh, pulled by 8 tiny people.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick.
I new in a minute it must be St. Thoric.
Like fighting mules, his coursers slogged forward.
And he screamed and he shouted, and called them by name.
"Now Edmond!, now Dria!, now Tricops!, and Sarah!,
On Darrek!, on Altrag!, on Stoneheft!, and Casdin.
To the top of that balcony, to the top of that wall.
Now slog away! Slog away! Slog away all!"
As dry leaves that before a hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle they certainly did cry.
So up to my balcony, the coursers they flew.
With a sleigh full of corpses, and St. Thoric too.
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The ranting and raving of each little hoof.
As I drew my sword in hand, and was turning around.
Down the water drain came St. Thoric with a bound.
He was dressed all in metal, from his head to his foot.
And his armor was all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of bodies he had flung on his back.
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
The stump of a pipe, he held in his teeth.
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
he had a broad face, and a tight little smile.
And fangs he did bear, when he did smile.
He was muscled and buff, a right evil old elf.
And I cringed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
he soon conveyed, I had everything to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went to his work,
He stole my shield, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his sword over my throat,
He laughed and he giggled as I died with a croak.
he sprang to his sleigh, to his inferiors, gave a whistle.
And they all flew away like the down on a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, despite my fading light.
Happy reunion to all, and to all a good night!
I chose night before Christmas cause I couldn't think of anything else ...
and you had conveniently provided that suggestion in the quest.
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Interview with Hoerkin StarProfit
Tracing the ties of the RoD family StarProfit was not the easiest of tasks.
They are a very large group of people, bonding together under the common motto 
"Never, ever waste coin." Begun 5 years ago by head of the family Duquesne
StarProfit and his two brothers Ynnug and Ukiah, the family has prospered
and expanded.  According to Hoerkin, the adopted son of Ukiah and Xanthia,
"A large number of family members are in Ringbearers."
Duquesne StarProfit married Morphina 3 years ago and she has become the
Matriarch of the family.  Hoerkin kindly gave me some 'inside' nicknames...
"Duq is known as the old Troll, Ynnug is known as the goat, and Morphina,
the first female member of the family, I might add, is known as Grandma,
Grandma Profit." I asked if those were ok to print, to which Hoerkin
replied with an evil grin "I am sure they will be fine with it...provided
they get royalties." 
Hoerkin went on to add that he and his wife Jesnar became a part of the family 
on their wedding day. An only child, Hoerkin informed me that he and Jesnar are
currently expecting a child!  Good luck and best wishes to the happy couple and
the new addition to the StarProfit family!!!
...Anaisse WolfsHeart (House of GreyBorne)
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--- funny - bones --------- |______| |______;______;____|_;______|__)____)
Funnies Submitted by you!!
Witnessed in Seth's Fortress:
A cleric of Seth beams a smile at A dirty rat.
A cleric of Seth says 'Tell me dirty, when was the last time
  you confessed before Lord Seth?'
Witnessed on avchat:
Gloin: everyone else, go make me some pie :p
Kali: Gloin, did you just tell me to make you pie?
Kali: Gloin?
Pie: yes kali? :P
Kali: I have made you a pie
Pie: moan
Submitted by Axius
Just some interesting slays I've gotten lately...or at all for that matter.
Preia: I'm sure she's got much better things to do than that
Kali: SHE?
Preia: *slap self* *gives a token saying 'One free Preia slay' to Kali*
Everything begins to fade to black.
Kali orders his dogs to rip you apart.
Taboo: Lascivias forces you to 'oink'
Preia: she wants you for your life
Everything begins to fade to black.
Lascivias freezes you with a glance and shatters your frozen body
into tiny shards.
-Preia Ravenlock has been recently slayed twice is standing here.
Weird things
I just wanted to point out a few weird things ive noticed.
1. why do beggars beg for money, and yet through steak to dogs?
2. how do stray dogs get 10 coins, and beggars get none?
3. why is all the good equipment anti mage, or anti evil?
4. why do the av's always outbid me on the equipment I want on auction?
5. how can pixies wear the same armor as a half-ogre, and still fit in it?
   ok, I cant think of any more. maybe ill put some more up when I do.
Submitted by Futhark

Everyone complains about the price of gas per gallon.
Well think of it this way.
Diet Snapple 16 oz. for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon
Quart of Milk 16 oz for $1.59 = $6.32 per gallon
Evian (water) 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon
STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon
Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $254.17 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.84 per gallon
You get the idea..........
So next time your at the pump be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil or

Mecil has just lead a 9 hour guild gentle.
In the 8'th hour of guild marathon running the conversation
often takes unexpected turns.
Tralk says '3:30 here, getting new baby from hospital today :)'
Merit says 'awesome!'
Merit says 'boy or girl?'
Tralk says 'another girl'
Iktome says 'Mmmm, cradle snatching is fun isn't it'
Iktome looks innocently about himself
Greetmir waggles his finger at Iktome, for some reason.
Greetmir says 'expensive hobby tho' (babies)
Alendil says 'my girlfriend is a vile tempstress'
Mecil says 'ain't that the best kind?'
Alendil says 'she just turned off my light tonight and pushed me on my bed'
Mecil says 'well don't complain man'
Alendil says 'i felt like giving myself five for not having to do anything
Minsc says 'where is best place to get gold?'
Grakmir says 'mobs ... eq ... sell'
Minsc says 'i mean actual gold... '
Grakmir says 'then downed eels economy anyways'
Iktome says 'Assassinating link-dead people.. telling you, its the way to go'
You counciltalk 'force the lowbie to eat =P'
Sint eats a mushroom.
Sint chokes and gags.
Kattia ACKS at her big mistake.
You counciltalk 'your in trouble now!'
This happened during the open forum TS had

Quest Central
Riddle Quest 
What follows is a quest of the mind, rather than the body.
This will give equal opportunity to the lowbies and the week of heart.
Answer my riddles :
1) The Traveller.
A traveller comes to a fork in the road which leads to two villages. In 
one village the people always tell lies and in the other village the 
people always tell the truth. The traveller needs to conduct business 
in the village where everyone always tells the truth. A man from one of
the villages is standing in the middle of the fork, so there is no 
indication of which village he comes from. The traveller approaches the
man and asks him just one question. From the man's answer, he knows 
which road to follow.
What did the traveller ask?
2) Thiz sentense hav fife faults. -- Is this statement right or wrong?
3) 1. In the forest, a hotel has an infinite number of rooms. An infinite
number of forest people arrive and each takes a room. So far, so good.
Now you would like a room.
Can the hotel accommodate you? If so, how?
2. The hotel has an infinite number of rooms. An infinite number of 
forest people arrive and each takes a room. So far, so good. Now 
another infinite number of guests arrive.
Can the hotel accommodate them all? If so, how? 
4) An archeologist proudly told that he had found four silver coins which,
according to the inscription "649 B.C.", should now be 2720 years old.
The press considered him a fraud and a dreamer. Why?
5)In a library are catalogues in which books are registered. There are 
catalogues which catalogue catalogues. One catalogue catalogues all
catalogues which do not catalogue themselves.
Is this catalogue itself in there? 
6)A poacher who got caught was to be executed. However, he was allowed to
choose the method of his execution by making a statement: if the
statement were true, he would be beheaded; if the statement were false,
he would meet his demise by hanging. The poacher saved his life by 
making a statement which was a paradox.
Can you tell what his statement was?
7) A team of the best scientists in the world has gathered for a unique 
occasion. They have recovered the body of a man, completely nude and 
encased in ice. The prehistoric man seems to be in remarkable \
condition, no damage has occurred to the body since the begining of
time. After closely examining the body for no more than a few hours
they come to the conclusion that this prehistoric man MUST be "Adam",
the first man ever. What drives them to this conclusion and why?
8) You are a cavalier, riding your horse in search of a princess to 
rescue. You arrive at a castle that has two doors. The doors cannot be 
opened from the outside. There is an inscription between the doors that
One of the doors opens when a truth is told and the other door 
opens when a lie is told. The princess is behind one of the doors, 
and the dragon is behind the other door.
What would you say to free the princess? 
9)Four men are walking in a forest. They come to a path. They must all
get to the other side, but only two (two maximum) can travel at the 
same time (so no dragging anyone or anything). It is night, so they 
require a light but there is only one torch and no all the wood in the
forrest is wet. The four men are of differing physical strength, one 
man can walk the distance in 1 minute, the second in 2 minutes, the 
third in 5 minutes and the fourth man in 10 minutes. How do the men all
get across in 17 minutes.
10) What would happen if an unstoppable force collided with an immovable object
Please send all entires via Mud mail to Elbanon before Friday July, 23.
All prizes will be given out all winners please look for a note in your 
inventory stating your prize was given.
The following people explained how they got their answers:
The following people answered correctly but didn't say how they got the answe
Hitomi Durealla Torinir Xantryke Indious
Jeronam Syera Rathain Ranthor Rannu
Lauren Beccalyzie Preia Reinso Unnar
Tangarth Turalyon Fobertron Radamil 
Thanks to the following for participating:
Asbras Bainnor Baltor 
Gral Alerious Centauri
Kuah Thatch 
One way to answer follows -

Ten steps are needed to get from the first A to the last A. Each time,
you are confronted with two ways to follow. So there are 2 to the tenth power
= 1024 ways you can form the word ABRACADABRA
so the correct answer is 1024 

Baali News 
The Order of Baali would like to congratulate Durealla on her new postion  
of Quest Wench, So for her yahztzee quests have been a blast and we all 
look forward to the Upcoming GoM vs Baali Quest. 
The Order of Baali has almost completed the revamping of the Induction 
process and is aiming for opening it's doors Wednesday July 18 We will 
post more information at a later date.  
The Order of Baali would also like to welcome it's newest member Ogget 
We are sure he will be a great asset to the order. 
Thats all for now 
Cyniq Dela Drones
GoT News
The Guild of Thieves would like to welcome our newest members:
Zentas, Moxon, and Stihl. We also would like to announce that
Kuah has been promoted to Guild First and Gultar will sit in as
Guild Second as we ponder the disappearance of former Guild First
Belmore. If anyone in the realms has any word on him, please
contact the Guild of Thieves.
Also we would like to announce our new Stellar Stars program.
This new program allows active members of the guild to gain
points for being active. These points can then be used to buy
equipment from the guild storage and used to participate in
other guild events.
 - Kuah

Aries- Try not to wander around areas that you are not familiar with, bad
       things may happen.
Taurus- Keep an eye out for old friends, they could prove to be useful.
Gemini- Luck is on your side, try it out with a small group, it may have
        rewarding results.
Cancer- Great fortune smiles your way, look towards Gemini to share its 
        luck in wealth.
Leo- Staying close to home can be rewarding, but keep away from the nearest
     donation, as ill fortune comes from greed.
Virgo- The stars are against you, beware of death traps, stay home.
Libra- Generosity can only get you so far, greed will take you the rest 
       of the way.
Scorpio- Make sure to help your friends today, soon you may need the 
          returned favor.
Sagittarius- Fortune will come your way, provided you are willing to share.
Capricorn- Watch where your feet tred, familiar places may hold new dangers.
Aquarius- Watch who you challenge to a fight in the arena, luck is not on
          your side.
Pisces- Keep track of your gold, you will soon be in need of it.

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o---oo-o  o-o o  o o-o   o-o o-o o-O-o o-o o-o  -o- o-o 
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o   oo  o o-o o--o o  o  o-o o-o o o o o-o o  o  o  o-o 
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( :::     ****        The Staff of the CoD        ****     ::: )
( ::::     ****       would like to congr-       *****    :::: )
( :::::     ****      adualate Krogen and       ****     ::::: )
( :::::::     ****    Zyboria on their re-    ****     ::::::: )
( :::::::::     ****       cent union.      ****     ::::::::: )
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TO: CoD writers
The horoscopes are way too optimistic, you might let some people
down. Tsk tsk.
-Turalyon the tunafishy.
The CoD has a public board for you to post suggestions and
ideas for thepaper. The board is located in our New Front Office 
which is located e,s,u,u,s,w,s from dh[].
The public board in Town Hall for the CoD is for *only* things pertaining
to the paper. It isn't for people wishing to contact immortals. Or for
people who want to apply to organizations such as guilds/orders.
Try to keep things posted on the public CoD board to articles, 
stories, humor, or anything else that might have something to do
with the paper.
Thank you, 
The Staff of the CoD.

Say, you! Yes, you, sitting there with your dagger
dripping with the blood of some unlucky mob!
Sure, you can kill these things for fun and profit,
but deep down you want something more meaningful.
You want to show the Realms your stuff, that you're
not just another roseate ring-headed killer.
But how do you stand away from the crowd?
How do you distinguish yourself?
It's simple! Write for the CoD! Your words will
be immortalized for all time! Your name will resound
throughout the land! You'll get long hours
and the occasional pizza slice!
If you are in the following organizations:
       DS, RB, RNF, GoV, GoW 
Send mudmail to Mystaric with your application!
Do it now, or we'll sic the Chadoyn on you. Grrr.
In your application please use the following format.
Why you want to join the paper staff.
What you feel you can do to make the paper better.
A brief sample of your writing using one of the following topics.
1. Informative - report on an event or happening in the realms
2. Creative story - Short piece of fiction.
3. Humor - Comical review or witty story.
4. Design - Sampling of your ASCII art.
Applications will be accepted for one week only.
Editor - Cry of Despair
THANKS for reading the Cry of Despair!