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Ilsensine: Sicking Goodness and Hate or Date; Deadly News

  Cry of Despair                                   Issue 60, 06/02
     .JNNNN` .JNNNNNL   NNNNNN.  |  In this month's issue:
    JNNNNN) JNNNNNNNNL (NNNNNNN. |    * All the usual news from
   JNN`    JNN`    NNN (NN.  (NN)|      around the realms,
  (NN`    (NN`     NNF (NN`  (NN`|      including a new deadly
  (NN.    (NN.    JNN` NNF  JNN) |      news section.
  (NNNNNN (NNNNNNNNN' (NNNNNNNF  |    * More horoscopes, as
   4NNNN`  "NNNNNN`   NNNNNNF    |      Carlie helps you out with
                                 |      your astrological problems.
        The Cry of Despair!      |    * Ilsensine brings her
        ===================      |      brand new Hate or Date
   *       *                 *   |      feature, aswell as her
                      *          |      Sickening Goodness Awards.
        *        *         *     |    * PLUS much more! 
             *                   |    
  Editor: Khaimran                      Immortal Sponsor: Elisabet
  Staff: Juliana, Kellandra, Carlie, Amante, Zishum, Ilsensine,
  Myra, Vladith, Faceripper, Diblin.

  Contents                                           CoD, Issue 60

  Desk of the Editor
  News from Guilds, Orders, TS, VC, and PKC

  Are you too addicted to RoD?

  Cassa + Blanca's Timely Tidbits

  Carlie's RoD Horoscopes

  Diblin resumes his Newbie's Guide series

  Dear Myra + Ilsensine...

  The Sickening Goodness Awards!

  An Experiment in Lowbie PKill

  Ilsensine's new Hate or Date show!

  Results from May's CoD quests

  The ever dreaded Funny Bones

  An Introduction to Vampire: the Dark Ages

  The Cry of Despair PK League


  Elisabet's Corner

  Desk of the Editor - by Khaimran                          Editor
    Another month, another Cry... and yet more changes at the CoD
  offices. We bid fond farewells to yet more of our members who
  have moved on into various degrees of retirement and senility,
  as Begaria, Shingo and Silverwind put their pens down.
  However, its not all bad news. Diblin is back, after a brief
  dissappearence, and we welcome him. Also joining the staff is
  Faceripper, and I'm sure he'll be writing some quality articles
  in the months to come.
    Second point on the agenda, is that I'd like to apologise for
  fact that the Cry came out a week late this month.. All I can
  say is that sometimes you have to put RL ahead of the mud ;)
    The last thing I'd like to draw your attention to is that
  we're still looking for teams to participate in the upcoming
  Cry of Despair PK League... So far, only the Guild of Clerics,
  Order of MaidenStone, and a group of deadlies have submitted
  teams. Help Cry 7-59 for a reminder of the information 
  concerning it.
    Well, I'll leave you to get on with reading the Cry. Remember,
  if you have any feedback concerning the Cry, you can get in
  touch with me in a number of ways.. Tells or mudmails to
  Khaimran work, as does emailing me at
  Alternatively, you can post a note at the CoD public board,
  located 2s, w, 2s from DH [], and just north of the CoD offices
  in the Town Hall.
    - Khaimran

  Guild + Order News - by Kellandra                           News

  This month's new from around the Realms! First up.. the Guilds
  and Orders of the Realms.

  The Guild of Rangers
    During the month of May, Gideon and Kaeir became the newest 
  members of the guild. Welcome to the Guild, and we hope you find
  your new home comfortable.
    Aromiss passed his Pledge Review, we congratulate him on a job
  well done. Elections were held to fill the void left in the 
  leaders ranks. After all the votes were counted Zargon became 
  the new 2nd (remember to break him in gently he is only a 
  pixie!). Many thanks to all who ran in the election.
    In June the following members have a Birthday Valin, Linda, 
  and Hordiki. Just remember, you may be 1 year older and wiser,
  but life is boring if you act like that all the time! Enjoy your day and act
  as silly as possible.
    Good Hunting, Racin Atal.

  The Guild of Nephandi
  As May draws to a close, the guild finds itself nursing a 
  serious hangover, following extended celebration of Destre's
  ascension to Immortality...our hallways seem equally strewn 
  with party streamers and nephs who wince at loud noises. I have
  stepped up to become GM, and Temokinon is our new First and 
  IGQC representative. The Guild has also welcomed several new 
  members this month...congrats on their membership to Sarilyn,
  Kikoushou, Sandrew and Kilik :)

  The Guild of Mages
  The GoM PK council is getting busy with starting up a new PK 
  ladder! Whoever sits atop the rankings will be able to wear the 
  PK trophy! So far, there are about 25 participants signed up to
  beat on each other for a good bit of fun.
    Meade LifeBringer

  The Guild of Clerics
  The GoC would like to welcome new members Talinth and Sovik!  
  Chalamar, Quiche, Karsiq and Pondil all became full guild 
  members and can start to use their lifetime supply of juicy 
  kumquats. Aremilur still tops the GoC PK ladder but maybe not 
  for long- some tough PKs are coming soon! And speaking of PK, 
  GoC is putting together their own team for the CoD PK league
  and we hope you are too!  We want to see you out there. Til 
  then,  don't leave home without your dirty carrots! :)
    Kellandra LifeBringer :)

  The Order of Arcanes
    Arcanes has had a busy month with some new inductions. We 
  would in particular like to welcome to our ranks Prothall,
  Zaradox,  Konichi and Muldoon. Although we all have different
  backgrounds we have all felt your additions have done nothing 
  but add to us.  
    As for regular activites our order was invaded by a group of
  rabid squirrels bent on procreating like mad. Thanks to 
  Xenolyn, Feist, Eskinol and Muiren their prozac was taken away
  by force. Thank you Pheayre.

  (Order of Arcanes, cont.)
  Special recognition towards the Council of Light which has been 
  so active that our free heals and spells policy has been forced
  to hire part time help in afk brewing. Thanks towards Terri, 
  Mauro, Xenolyn, Qaulorn from the CoL. On the logistics side 
  thank you Eskinol, Jexia, Ganbazon, Mauro, Nesett, Muiren, and 
    Exploration of new and redone areas such as Wyvern tower,
  Desert of Despair has given us all many insights. Thanks to 
  Eskinol, Varin, Xenolyn, Terri, Sheryl. New mobs multi av mobs
  such as Tlazolteotl help our hone our skills.  
    Our Double elimination multi class pkill tournament is drawing
  to a close. Originally with 3 distinctive Char classes and 23 
  participants, the winners in Class A are Feanolem with, Kuando
  comming in 2nd, Class B has yet to be decided with the finals
  between Zalasta and Ganbazon, Class C winner was Luzopinz with
  Bart in second place. Congratulations to all are in order.
    Lyssiah has stepped down from her position as Lead Scout and 
  Feist has taken over. Congratulations Feist and good luck with 
  all your tasks Lyssiah.

  The Order of MaidenStone
  This was a hectic month of changes for MS.  We would like to 
  congratulate Ilsensine for her promotion as Number Two of the 
  Order.  We'd like to thank Frances for the great services she 
  has done for the run department, and welcome Skaphia as the new
  Head BM.  Keep the runs up!
    Also receiving a promotion is our funky maiden, Shelaine, 
  achieving the rank of Covenant.  Thanks for your contributions!
  More big news is we got our second Immortal, Aeriel. We hope 
  that you like it here!  Maidens, you rock! 

  That's all from the Orders and Guilds this month.. remember, if
  your organisation has news to submit to the Cry of Despair,
  mudmail Kellandra with the information by the last Monday of the

  The Symposium Update - by Myra                              News

  -= The Symposium =-

     * Ammendments to help 'guilds'
     * 'Engage' command for tells
     * Echo on lowbie death
     * Town Hall 3rd floor stairwell (remove silent)
     * No Auction in Archives
     * Who group shows group + followers

     * Ignore who  
     * Newbie Council drag command
     * Guard Skill
     * Fire Rain
     * Redemption
     * WildCard character for whois
     * More TS office space

   On Hold:
     * New names/stats system
     * Ranger Scry
     * Portal Degredation

  -= Visionary Consortium=-

     * Changes to leader prefix 
     * 'Epoch' proposal
     * Ability to repost mudsigned notes under original name.
     * Tell variation ('engage' in conversation)

   Passed to the CoE for consideration:
     * Giving augurers climb 
     * 'Give all coins'
     * Removal of 'dead' chars from roster
     * Note vote retain

  The Shadowy Path... - by Amante                             News

  Being the first month this is put out, I will provide an
  explanation as to what exactly "The Shadowy Path" is.. In the 
  Pkill Conclave, we strive to make Pkill a better experience for
  everyone who is involved.  Every idea that passes through us is
  voted on. If it gets passed, the Immortal head of PKC passes the
  requests up to the Council of Elders. If they approve the 
  change, it goes on the list of things to be implemented.

  Please note, things which say "Passed by PKC" have yet to be
  put up to the Council of Elders, or are waiting approval/denial
  by them. I have only gone back the last two months or so, so 
  there are some older changes which have not been included.

   Passed by the PKill Conclave:
     * Lowbie Clan Equipment(Level 15/24) 
     * "defeats" command for clanned deadlies 

   Passed by the Council of Elders, to be implemented:
     * Deadly Only Areas/Equipment 
     * Change to Nominis Umbra Clan EQ
     * Artifacts for current clans   

   Denied by Council of Elders:
     * Protection only works for Paladins

     * Grapple moved from Thieves to Rangers 
     * "Cleave" Skill for Rangers   
     * Player vs Player damage raised 10%  

  Addicted to RoD? - by Kellandra                         Addicted

  Are You Too Addicted to RoD?

  Last month, we asked you to tell us about dreams you had about
  Realms of Despair.. Are you so addicted that the mud invades
  your sleeping hours, aswell as your waking ones? Here are the
  responses we got!

  Alihan's Dream
  A few years back I received a Dhide plate for free from a friend.
  That night after I logged off, I was havin nightmares that I was
  sleepwalking to my computer and logging on RoD. Only I kept 
  DTing. I was freaked, I actually woke up to see if the computer
  was on and if I was on RoD and I unplugged the keyboard in case
  I actually did sleepwalk my way to the computer.

  Evaine's Dream
  I was in this huge line to go to the bathroom at this fair and 
  it was like a half a mile long but I really had to go.  I was at
  the fair with Conran so he went wisinvis and went up to the 
  front people of the line and yelled "BOO!".  All the people up
  there got scared and ran away and so I got to be at the front of
  the line. 

  Kaif's Dream
  I dreamt this a long time ago so I forgot some of it, but all I
  remember is that Thorpe got turned into the Little Mermaid and 
  he kept going around everywhere singing like she does in the 
  movie. Everyone in the game was getting really sick of it so 
  finally  someone pushed him down a hill and he fell into a wall
  and was knocked out but everyone cheered because he finally 
  stopped singing.

  Jennavieve's Dream
  One night I had a dream that Meade and I were over at Blodkai's
  house.  He had a really nice pool in his backyard, but somehow 
  a huge whale got into it.  He asked us to get the whale out for 
  him.  Meade and I picked up the whale and put it on our heads 
  and carried it into his house  but the whale kept getting away 
  from us and jumping back into the pool.

  Isabel's Dream
  I had the most weirdest dream about Harakiem being my papa. So 
  in my dream, I recalled to Thoth's Rune and instead of welcoming
  me, Harakiem suddenly squealed like a woman and grabbed me like 
  a potato sack and hugged me so tightly my intestines felt like 
  bursting. He started yibbering I was his long lost daughter 
  during a brief affair with Sonoria. I tried to hammer at him 
  with me trusty elven quarterstaff and he ending up annhilating 
  me. So fine, I ended up my supposed mother's altar and crawled
  like a bleeding bug back to Thoth's Rune for my corpse. And 
  there Harakiem was crying and this was what I remember -

  Harry - Isabel, my daughter! I have searched you for so many a
  Me - Uh huh and I am Duke Luther the 3rd (get all corpse, 
       wear all)
  Harry - Isabel, speak to me! *advances*
  Me - Dun ya dare come near me! *brandishes damaged weapon*
  Harry - Isabel, don't make me smite you!

  So I hit Harakiem, my pseudo papa and he whirls around on me and
  slams my face to the ground. Down came the axe again and my poor
  head plopped off my shoulders like a cockroach on the execution 
  board. Yeah, of course he wept big buckets of tears after he
  killed me. Flooded the whole of Darkhaven and my head and body
  floated away from each other. The last I saw before a 
  shadowshark gobbled down my head were the Guilds building a 
  huge Ark and going up in pairs. The Orders somehow managed to 
  make a blimp. How a blimp managed to appear in Realms, that I
  don't know. I woke before my dream could figure it out.

  Are you too addicted to the mud? Does RoD slang and habits slip
  into your real life actions without thinking about it?
  If you've had any type of Realms of Despair slip-up in real life
  before, we'd love to hear about it! It has happened to all good
  mud addicts, don't be shy ;)
  Have you ever been sitting around with your friends and when one
  of them told a joke, you replied with "Grins" instead of 
  actually grinning at your friend?  Or said "Say" out loud before
  starting a sentence?  Or maybe something even worse... ? 

  Please mudmail Kellandra with your interesting Realms mistakes 
  made irl.  :)

  Cassa and Blanca's Timely Tidbits - Cassa + Blanca          CBTT
  Cassa & Blanca's Timely Tidbits
  Should you have some gossip you'd like to share, please mudmail
  it to Blanca or e-mail it to
  All sources remain anonymous.
  Until then, heres to those caviar dreams and champagne wishes.
  Tune in to the Cry of Despair each month for the Realms social
  scene with poolside chats and social functions.

  Turn the page, for May's Timely Tidbits!

  Bigger and Better Things...
  Oh My Demi-God! The Princess is movin' on up!
  There's a one legged Auggie having no trouble hobbling on up the
  A certain smurf has been smurfing his way to the smurf!
  From TS to the other side.  It's not easy being nephish.
  Newbies and Auggies and Lesser-Gods, oh my!
  Huckleberries and guilds, now there's a tastey treat.
  Hugged a Ringbearer lately?  A certain Goddess has and now they
  worship her!

  Ethereal Oz
  A certain handsome and eligible immortal has been spotted 
  around the Realms with a lovely mage on his arm.  It's rumored
  that she has sticky fingers from devouring chocolate covered
  S'Mores Anyone?
  Spotted last weekend while on a guild leader campout, a certain
  vampiress was seen roasting a cleric marshmallow over an open 

  Bubbles & Beer
  Mount Budweiser seems to be quiet since a new resident's moved
  Elder's Bells
  One of the less visible and higher level immortals has been 
  MIA for a bit now. Our spies tell us that he's a little 
  occupied with a new bride offline.

  Role Models
  Diapers seem to have inundated a few Immortals lately.  A stork 
  was spotted dropping off a package at Ascendere Castle and the 
  Realms School of Pimping has a new student to teach.
  Musical Chairs
  If you haven't noticed, there are a number of orders with leader
  spots open. Take one down and pass it around!  Who's next on the
  lists?  Stay tuned...
  Jerry Springer Style
  Be on the look out for episodes of transcripts from deadly 
  relations and video captions of solo voyages. Be careful, 
  though. Appearances can be deceiving.

  So heres to those caviar dreams and champagne wishes. Tune in 
  next month as we continue the social season with poolside chats
  and social functions.  

    - Cassa and Blanca

  RoD Horoscopes - by Carlie                               Zodiacs

  Well, another month, another Zodiac! This month is the month of
  the Grand Mistress, or Gemini to you boring people who prefer
  the real-life names. I hope you enjoy these, (more than I did
  writing them, which was alot of fun) and let me know your 
  personal opinions or suggestions. :)
     - Carlie Coolbeans

                  Grand Mistress - May 21-June 20
     ____   Curious, with a strong love of exploring, change is 
  ,-/   /)))something you are constantly craving in your life.
  \_\  ( .( "Out with the old and in with the new, newer, newest"
     \/' _/ is your motto. Change isn't a bad thing, but keep in 
    _/  (_ mind the people who play an important role in your life. 
         Those people should never be considered part of the old.

                Froghemoth - June 21 to July 22
  The stress everyone around you is under can often wreak havoc 
  on your emotional health. As a very sensitive person     (.)(.)
  it's easy for you to be influenced by your environment. (\ -- /)
  When others begin to affect you negatively, you should  * *  * *
  take some time away from them. Relax and get your stability back.

                 Bahamut - July 23 to August 22
  Maybe you feel no sacrifice you can make is too great for someone 
   /\_/\  you love, but that person may not be of the same opinion. 
  < o o > To avoid undesired conflict, take a step back and think 
   )   (  about what you want to do. If the sacrifice may bring harm 
   (. .)  to you, chances are the person you're making the sacrifice 
  for won't appreciate it.

               Sonoria - August 23 to September 22
  Don't stress yourself over the many trivial troubles  ____ 
  real life. Doing so will mean you're spreading      ((\   \
  yourself too thin. Wasting energy on the little      )o\  /
  worries will render you incapable of dealing with    \_ \ \_
  the big problems.                                     _) \_/

                  Justice - September 23 to October 22
       o---o      You are inclined to be cold and indifferent to 
      /  |  \     those who show you affection, and it's a big 
  (__)   |   (__) problem. Being very loveable, most people around 
  you feel like sidling up to you in the hopes you'll welcome them 
  with warmth. You have very powerful emotions, so don't be afraid 
  to give what they're looking for.

                Black Rose - October 23-November 21
    ...  Heading straight for the extremes, the word "moderation" 
   { | } is not part of your vocabulary. In your life, there is 
  {--O--}little balance between what makes you happy and what makes 
   { | } you sad. There is also little balance between work and 
    `-'  play. However, balance is something you need before you 
  end up burning yourself out. Even with tons of energy, you have 
  your limits.

                  Cernunnos - November 22 to December 21 
  Your truthful nature makes it hard for you to believe anyone 
  else around you could be less than honest. But, like it or not,
  the world can be a cold, cruel place. A raised eyebrow and 
  thoughtful consideration of another's words does not speak of 
  distrust, but of common sense.      

                 Vortex - December 22 to January 19            
  //,,// You've likely been told before to always finish what you 
  \\,,\\ start. And because you are one of the more determined and 
  //,,// more focused personalities, that shouldn't be a problem. 
  \\,// Shouldn't be, but can be if you get distracted. Stick to 
   \v/  your current goals, leave trying something new until after 
      you've reached them.

                Thoth - January 20 to February 18
    \   |   /   Seek out something - a person, an activity, a book 
      /'''\     - that will help keep you occupied with intelligent 
  __ /     \ __ thinking. If you do not exercise your mind, all 
     \     /    parts of it, you may very well lose some of that 
      \.../     dazzling intelligence you were gifted with.
     /  |  \    

  Zeus - February 19 to March 20               .. .. 
  You are a total pushover. From the days you    .'  '  ''.. 
  were a young child, you always let others have `..,       '.
  their way. Very easy going and never the type to   '......'
  fight any battle, even for your own rights, it's     //
  time you grew a backbone. Stick up for yourself      \\
  or, at the very least, be different.                 //

                 Blackmote - March 21 to April 19
    ,, ,,,,      Every grey hair on your mother's head was your 
  ,'..'....'',,  fault. As a young child you were full of dynamic 
  `,,,.........',energy, and things haven't changed much. You still 
      `,,,'',,,' need to get out and exercise. If you're stuck 
  inside for six or more hours a day, getting outside is even more 

                Guenevere - April 20 to May 20
  You were never any good at expressing yourself with   /\   
  words, speaking or writing. There's no reason why  __//\\__
  you have to try now! When you really need to       __\\//__
  express yourself, maybe there was a misunderstanding, \/
  paint or draw something. Visual expressions of your feelings 
  can work just as well as sappy poetry.

   -  Carlie Coolbeans

  A Newbies Guide To... - by Diblin                 Newbie's Guide
  A Newbies Guide To... Councils: The Symposium

  Hello, and welcome once again to the newbies guide series.  For
  the next 8 issues, we'll be concentrating on the councils of the
  realms.  If any of you were ever wondering what each of the
  councils ever did, this guide should help to explain them.
  We'll begin this month with an introduction to The Symposium.  
  This council is currently headed up by both Cersei and Selina,
  however The Symposium is primarily a mortal driven council, so
  also has a mortal head, a position which is currently held by

  The Symposium is a council of mortals representing their 
  organisations (guilds & orders) combined with a number of 'at 
  large' members, working along side a small group of immortals.
  They handle game-related suggestions from the mortal community,
  vote on these suggestions, and make any changes that they deem
  necessary before passing it on for immortal approval.
  Anybody may submit ideas to The Symposium, and the process is
  quite simple. On the fourth floor of the town hall, Minkai, the
  Chamberlain to The Symposium will hand out submission guides to
  those who ask for them.  Following these guidelines, you should
  write your suggestion on a note and post it on the Tome of 
  Conception, located on the second floor of the Town Hall.

  In some cases, ideas may need some major changes before they 
  could pass, forexample a suggested spell may be much too 
  powerful.  In these situations, the ideas are passed to 
  subcommittees, are talked over in greater detail, changes are 
  made and the idea is reproposed to the council as a whole at a 
  later date. There are currently two full time subcommittees in
  The Symposium, being the Spells/Skills Sub, and the building 

  Membership to The Symposium can come from one of two ways. 
  Each organisation is entitled to one representative member, so 
  if that member should step down from their position, you may
  apply to take over this position.  The other way is to apply 
  for an at large position when notice that applications are open
  is given on the archives by the head of the council.
  As an example of the work that The Symposium does, the note list
  <player> was suggested, and passed by the council, and is now 
  fully implemented and functional. Many changes like this pass
  through The Symposium, and are brought into the game to improve
  the atmosphere and gameplay of the Realms.  

  Next month we'll have a look at Visionary Consortium, until 
  then, good luck and happy adventures.

   - Diblin Treves

  Dear Myra and Ilsensine - by Myra + Ilsensine                M+I

  This month's Dear Myra + Ilsensine... first up:


  Dear Myra + Ilsensine,
    I love to set fire to things and people don't like me for 
  that. What should I do?
    - Pyro
  Dear Pyro,
    There might be a good reason for this animosity.  Do you by 
  chance set fire to these people or to their property?  My 
  advice is to find a creative outlet for your love.  Perhaps The
  Lounge is in need of a butler to light the candelabras?
    - Myra
  Dear Pyro,
    I must say that I find your pyrotechnical talents most 
  amusing. People don't like it? Burn them! Burn them! People will
  be far less hasty to comment if you haul a tougher line. I 
  suggest you start a public burning campaign, preferably using 
  the small, weak and largely defenseless. Remember, a person 
  frantically attempting to douse their own flaming body is much
  less likely to offer any problems.
    - Ilsensine

  Mud Triangle?

  Dear Myra + Ilsensine,
    I'm currently involved with a wonderful guy that sits with me
  and just talks for hours. However, sometimes when we're sitting,
  this other guy comes and sits with us and just invites himself 
  into the conversation. My bf is starting to get a bit jealous.
  This other guy is a friend at best, but I'm not sure of how to 
  deal with it.
    - In the Middle
  Dear In the Middle-
    Have you talked to your boyfriend about the situation?  An
  independent gal needs to have freedom, but his feelings play 
  into the equation heavily. Let him know that there's nothing
  funny going on and that this other person is just a friend. 
  You might try either finding another spot to sit and talk or 
  drop some hints for this friend.  Give him things to go do and
  keep him occupied.
    - Myra

  Dear In the Middle,
    Mmm. Duplicity. Well, now... first thing you need to ask 
  yourself is this: do you harbour any feelings towards this extra
  wheel? If the answer is yes, I suggest investing in a 3-person
  bed, and living in duplicate luxury. If your bf doesn't like it,
  too bad for him and at least you'll still have one left. If you
  don't have feelings for this other guy, I suggest you just get
  your guy to kill the other schmuck. I would suggest doing it 
  yourself, but men are so much more useful for one's menial 
  needs. I'm sure I've helped you immensely.
    - Ilsensine

  That's all from Myra and Ilsensine this month.. remember, if you
  have a problem that you feel warrants the help of these two
  agonising aunts, all you need do is drop them a mudmail about
  the problem. Remember, you're also helping all the people who
  read the Cry of Despair by sharing your woes. Go on.. be a good

  Sickening Goodness Award - by Ilsensine                      SGA

  After the lavish, exquisite and generally world peace achieving 
  success of the first ever Realms of Despair Sickening Goodness
  Awards, it's my personal and savoured delight to spew out a 
  cheap, two-bit forgery of a sham for this month.
  It is my distinct smug pleasure to annouce the esteemed winner 
  of the June 2002 Sickening Goodness Award!
  *****                Cresis!                               *****
  Yes, that's right people... her seamless displays of charity,
  kindness, and lady-like grace left me with no choice... it was 
  unanimous! (No it wasn't) Yes it was! (No it wasn't) Yes! Yes!
  Out of my heaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

  Do you know someone who's too good? Do you want to punish them?
  Well... with my new 3 step retribution plan it's easy!
  1) Think of the person you wish to punish
  2) Think exactly why you want to punish them
  3) Mudmail the details to Ilsensine!
  Yes folks, it couldn't be easier! (obviously this is a lie)
  So... who will be the most Sickeningly Good player for July...
  Remember... if you don't mail and nominate someone... it could 
  be you!

   - Ilsensine

  An Experiment - submitted by Kitchious             An Experiment

  An Experiment in Pkill...
    by Kitchious

  While hanging out on my peaceful character, the subject of PKill
  came up.  Being a regular pkiller, I asked my friends why many 
  of them do not actively pkill.  The responses were things like 
  "I was hit by four clanned people" or "They always loot my 
  satchel" or the ever famous "Equipment is expensive". I have 
  been in pkill far too long to remember my newbie days, but my
  observation is that clanned people no longer pick on newbies or
  loot satchels.  Of course, I had no proof, so I decided to 
  obtain some.  This was how Trakk was created. A newbie ranger 
  who was trying pkill for the first time ever.  I chose a ranger
  because I wanted to test out the new "cleave" skill, and 
  "grapple" on rangers.  I deliberately leveled slowly, so I 
  turned  18 when I was level 8(about the level most newbies are
  when they turn 18).  I asked many questions regarding pkilling
  and what to do, to  enhance the newbie image.  One of the first
  things every newbie is told to do is to be sanced at all times,
  which I did.  Once people saw that I was capable of understanding
  what sanc was, and I did not ask the same question numerous 
  times, people started offering to help me get equipment, and help
  me level.  Once I was around level 20, one of the leaders of 
  Ophanim sent me a tell, asking if I desired entry into the clan.
  I agreed, he asked me who my peaceful was. 

  I gave him the name of my best friend's character, since many 
  know my peaceful alts.  This would help make sure my identity 
  remained a secret. It obviously worked, because up until the 
  point I aved Trakk, I was not attacked once.  I had attacked a 
  few people, but the "good pkillers" knew I was a newbie 
  attacking a fellow newbie, and stayed out of it. Anyway, as far
  as _my_ experience went, making a new deadly was extremely
  pleasing.  Only once was I called a newbie, and it was for 
  interrupting a clanned pkill.
  Pkill has become much more kind to the new players than it used
  to be.  People were always answering my questions about pkill,
  and spelling me up simply by asking nicely.  I do not know
  where people get the stories of being attacked by five clanned
  people all who are 4-5 levels higher than them.  As far as I 
  could tell, that does not happen. Unless you are mouthy or 
  annoying, I'd say you will probably have a nice time leveling.
  If you find that someone kills and loots you, ask on wartalk
  if you can have the equipment back (ask nicely). If the person
  who booted you refuses, quite often a clanned character will 
  log on and kill him for you. 

  There were, of course, a few downsides.  Without an av mage, it
  is very difficult to get leveling spells at slow times of the 
  day. Well, I guess only one downside.
  Now, do not get confused and assume that this information means 
  pkill is easy.  Pkill never has been, and never will be "easy" 
  to do.  You will only learn by dying, and you will die often. If
  you stick with it though, you will probably find pkilling to be 
  one of the most entertaining things you can do in this text 
  based world.  
  Please, do not judge Pkill on what others tell you.  Experience 
  it for yourself.  Right now, level 24 pkill is HUGE.  Even more
  than Avatar pkill.  The damage is very high, meaning lots of 
  death.  And it is extremely CHEAP.  If you know how to level, 
  you can get to level 24 and get 65dr (standard level 24 deadly 
  warrior dr) before you turn 18.  You will hopefully have an 
  Avatar peaceful who can obtain the equipment you will need, or 
  you can ask on war if anyone has spare equipment.  It is very 
  rare to be looted on a 24, unless you are wearing out-of-game 
  equipment.  Not being looted helps a lot when you get 
  frustrated from dying.  You can respell, heal, relog, then 
  start all over again!

  That is my story.  If you have any questions or comments, do not 
  hesitate to ask.  I am always willing to answer questions, and 
  if you are interested in level 24 pkill, I can help you equip.  
  If you  decide to make a pkiller, please note that the clans 
  will all induct low-level characters.  So if you get to level 
  24, and want to join a clan, speak with a leader.
    - Kitchious

  Hate or Date? - by Ilsensine                          HateOrDate

  Welcome, my delicious little poppets...
  I'm glad you came! You're here to witness the first ever 
  screening of... 'Hate or Date?'! The all new, interactive Realms
  of Despair show.
  Each week, we'll have one hapless monkey on the program, hoping
  to impress you, the Despair public. The question is... will you
  hate them? or will you want to date them?!
  Each of you has been given a live mudmail connection to the 
  studio here in the east side of Abattoir Asylum. Once you have 
  viewed the contestants details, you should rush to your consoles
  (quills, paper and transport not provided) and mail the studio
  saying whether you hate the contestant, or whether you wanna
  date them! Remember folks, it's the name of the show - HATE or

  Audience members are reminded that they must supply reasons why 
  along with the vote! The best responses will be aired live on
  next month's show, and the contestant may even pick one of the 
  lucky DATE voters to be taken out on a no-expenses paid, 
  uninsured holiday!

  Hrm. Due to a contractual clause I wasn't previously aware of...
  it appears that for security reasons, the host must also be the
  contestant for the first show. Crap. Someone fix my damn 
  autocue already?!
  Name: Ilsensine
  Age: 1857
  Race: Half-Elf
  Class: Druid
  Alignment: Evil
  Affiliations: (Number Two, MaidenStone) [Newbie Council]

  Panties or Commando? : Commando!
  Sex or Chocolate? : Both
  Knives or Forks? : Sporks
  Dogs or Cats? : Fur coats

  "I'd like to find a man who's really... ya know? Well endowed.
  Spiritually of course. In particular I'm looking for paladins, 
  preferably mute, with minimal upkeep needs and a high pain 

  Thanks to our very first contestant, err... Ilsensine! Go me!
  *puts on projectile-proof clothing*
  Ok... now... time to cast your audience responses! Do you hate?
  Or do you want to date?! Mudmail all responses to yours truly,
   with reasons, as soon as you can!
  Till next time...

  Do you want to put yourself in front of the mud community and
  survive? Maybe even score a date amongst the slew of letter 
  bombs, death threats and anthrax poisonings? Well... now is your
  Mudmail Ilsensine, and your application will be considered!

  Quest Central -  by Elisabet                       Quest Central

  We had wonderful participation this month in the new immortal
  image quest. We truly enjoyed reading all of the submissions!
  The best one (truly my favorite) was submitted about one of the
  (many) fabulous imms out there who really needed a "make-over"!

  Sooooo, congratulations to Bullen with his new image for Kali!!

  Bullen please contact Elisabet for your prize! :)

  Bullen's submission:
  I see Kali as someone who wanders around gathering flowers,
  petting bunnies and helping the druids in holy grove tend their
  flocks and plants. I see him wearing flowers in his hair, forgetting 
  the "slay" command, and having a perpetual smile on his face. The new 
  Kali will love to be snuggled, to be hugged and will be more than happy
  to assist any newbie low level char or newbietar in need. The new Kali 
  would give a chocolate chip cookie to everyone who signs on and says 
  hello on chat or avtalk. I see him saying hello with a smile, joining 
  newbie council and just overall being a nice guy. That is my vision of 
  the new Kali. I hope it can come to pass!

  I sense a Bullen slay.. don't you?

  Titles - collected by CoD                            Funny Bones

  This month's titles...

  Luniz LifeBringer has issues, but likes Miss May best!. 
  Ienna plots the death of Abelard, weak GoT BoT. 
  Ienna God created Adam + Eve, but Adam liked Steve..
  Laine: All men are animals some just make better pets..
  Bob: The Battery-Operated-Boyfriend.
  Trembyl prioritizes; consciousness stays number one?
  Sapetalus tried to daydream but his mind wandered.
  Drune Divine, Bunny... sock puppet theater 8pm-6am.
  Thibbledorf Crystalheart is the Intergalactic Space Cow..
  Devyn Draen Dwells Despite Defying Death <Alliterist>
  Slyrpon your blood!  (CDS) {JLD}
  Conran Treves has a carrot, and knows how to use it.
  Ienna: Abelard-(BoT) Abe meaning tall, Lard meaning Fat.
  Aertue Diitue (not the druid you're looking for).

  Other stuff...

  Conran says 'Will I have sex any time this year?'
  The ball becomes translucent, as if a thick fog has lifted.
  The words 'MY SOURCES SAY NO' appear upon its surface.

  You tell Aylssa 'uh, hi. Are you scary?'
  (silence.. then..)
  Aylssa tells you 'yeah I bite and everything'
  You tell Aylssa 'nods, thanks. just checking :)'
  Aylssa tells you 'well at least you didnt wake up in a hotel 
     room with a bunch of women'
  Aylssa tells you 'err extell'

  Vampire: The Dark Ages - submissions                        VtDA

  A Glimpse of an Eternal Night from the Storyteller

  WE are gathered from the dark depths of Ancient Despair to join 
  Kindred long forgotten in the millenium that traversed and 
  reshaped the Lands.
  We will return their Glory to the Lands again but none will 
  know what we do or know what transpires. We will bring forth 
  what our knowledge to enrich and guide these mewlings that 
  cannot sense us.
  Sands have covered what we once knew and now shall we hold power
  to return it to the Dimensions as we know them to be.

  None will know the Kindred as they rise again from their sleep.
  None will discover the Masquerade that wanders through the 
  shadows. Despair will once more shudder as we take these Lands
  into the Nights.
  Constanza Irena - First Prince of the Blood

  Vampires : for Despair
  Vampires have always been around in roleplay in the Realms and 
  many players have created their own rich and varied versions of
  what a vampire within the Realms should be. The flexibility of 
  the vampire character is ten thousandfolds and they can be the 
  brute murderers of the night or the melancholic philosphers or 
  even the innocent children praying at the Holy Altar.
  Adapted from White Wolf's Vampire series to create again the
  Clans in Realms, Vampire roleplayers will now have a choice to 
  join in and enjoy the beauty and torment of being the Beast 
  caught within the immortality of their mortal semblances, to
  weave through thousands of years masquerading as nobles, 
  priests, songstresses, gyspyies while keeping the horror of the
  Beast within them.

  Joining this roleplay group is very simple. Please follow the 
  steps here: 
  1. Currently there are notes posted on this on the Unity of 
  the Nations Board which can be found 2 northeast 2 north from 
  DarkHaven Square. Please read all notes directed to Vampires: 
  The Masquerade (VtM) or Vampires: The Dark Ages (VtDA). 
  2. There are also several vote notes for you to place your name
  in if you are interested. Please vote on the notes you are 
  required to vote on.
  3. Once you are done reading, tag yourself with the tag {V:tDA}
  to show others in the community you are part of the group. In
  any case roleplay does happen either in Elysium or somewhere 
  else, other Vampires players will see the tag and invite you 
  along if they wish.

  4. To know more and interact with other players of this 
  community and as well as read Vampires roleplay logs, please go
  to the following URL:
  5. The path to Elysium for now is listed by Menankh on his note
  in the Unity of the Nations Board. Else it is just from the 
  Crossroads - Go 3ne, n, 2ne, n, nw, n, ne, n, 2w, n, nw, 3n, 
  2up, e, n, e, 2n.

  That will be the five steps you will need to do for now. The 
  aim of starting up the V:tDA was to open up a new perspective
  towards Roleplay in Realms and offer another outlet and point of
  interest for those who already love Vampires and for those who 
  are willing to try and take on new challenges with their 
  vampire characters.
  For now, the Night Bless and the Blood protect..
    Player of Constanza Irena

  The Cry of Despair, PK League! - by Khaimran                  Ad

  Bored of endless running? Want to pk, but have trouble finding
  worthy opponents? Despair not.. help is at hand..


                  The Cry of Despair PK League

  Currently, the idea is in its conceptual stages, but for it to
  proceed any further we need your help. For the curious, here's
  the information we have so far..
   * All avatars may take part, deadly or peaceful.
   * It will be team pk, with 5 people per team, though only
     3 people from each team will be allowed to take part in a
     given pk batle.
   * There will be a DR cap, which will be higher for peacefuls
     than deadlies, to compensate for inherent deadly traits.
   * A point system will operate, bearing 2 points for a win,
   * 1 for a tie, 0 for a loss. (Any team which does not turn up
     would register a loss)
   * A nominal entry fee would be taken from each team, to
     supply prize money. This will most likely be in the range of
     5 to 10 mil.
   * All ties will be immortal overseen.
   * A team captain for each team will sort out any internal
     disputes.. i.e. which 3 of the 5 team members take part in
     a match,
   * The League will run for a set period of time, which will be
     decided at some point.
   * No player may have characters in more than one team.

  If you wish to take part, mudmail Khaimran with information on
  your team: Team name, team members, and team captain.
  For more information, contact Khaimran or Amante, and watch the
  Archives for updates. Ideas, suggestions and constructive
  criticism would also be welcomed.

  With any luck, and interest from the Realms populace (that's
  you) we can get this off the ground. Once we have an idea of how
  many participants there will be, we can formulate some complete

    - Khaimran

  The Deadly World - submissions                               Ads

              Top 10 Reasons for you to make a DEADLY!

        .;;;,;;;;;,;;;;;,.;;;,       .;;;.,;;;;;,;;;;;,;;;.
       ;;;;xXXxXXxXXxXXxXXx;;;. .,. .;;;xXXxXXxXXxXXxXX;;;;;
   .,,.`xXX'             `xXXx,;;;;;,xXXx'            `XXx;;,,.
  ;;;;xXX'                  `xXXx;xXXx'                 `XXx;;;;
  `;;XX'    Cheap HEALS!       `XXX'       Cool HQS!      `XX;;'
 ,;;,XX                         `X'                        XX,;;,
 ;;;;XX,   Faster QUAFFING!              Easier MKILL!    ,XX;;;;
  ``.;XX,                                                ,XX;,''
    ;;;;XX,    Looting SETH!         Funny JOKES!      ,XX;;;;
     ```.;XX,                                        ,XX;,'''
        ;;;;XX,     High DAMAGE!   No REPAIRING!   ,XX;;;;
         ```,;XX,                                ,XX;,'''
             ;;;;XX,      Clan EQUIPMENT!    ,XX;;;;
              ````,;XX,                    ,XX;, '''
                  ;;;;;XX,              ,XX;;;;
                   `````,;XX,        ,XX;,''''
                        ;;;;;XX,  ,XX;;;;;

                     WE LOVE YOU ALL (and your eq)

  Character Sketches- submissions                              Ads

  To whom it may concern,
  To show my appreciation for the good folks at RoD, I'll be doing
  free character sketches for any who wishes to have one. They're
  free of charge.
  What I'll need is a descrip using the same format as the 
  equipment list. The sketches will be in pencil, gray scale, and 
  I'll put them in a bitmap format for you. Also, you will need to
  describe the pose they'll be in.
  If you are interested in receiving your free character sketch,
  you can e-mail at
  Depending on the number of requests, it will take 3 to 7 days
  for completion.
  Thank you all for your support, and I look forward to hearing
  from you.
    - Lharrunien, The Mist-Weaver

  Elisabet's Corner -  by Elisabet                      E's Corner

  Another frolick filled month has gone by. We're so sorry about 
  the delay in posting this month's Cry, but there were some
  unavoidable technical issues.
  I've been away for most of this month and I've really learned
  what a great group of people play in this Realms. It's really
  hard when you're gone to not miss the people you have communicated
  with for many years, or even those you just met. The Cry of Despair
  staff is just one of those fabulous groups of people! They really
  do an outstanding job!

  I would like to give special thanks to Tical this month! His helping
  in posting this month's Cry of Despair is so appreciated! Everyone
  please take a moment and thank him!  Tical you rock!

  Yours faithfully,