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The Cry of Despair
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Issue Number 29 3.12
Mortal Staff:
Alendil, Alerious, Apollonia, Azrakare, Barentin, Conran, Elaria,
Elbanon, Kannan, Laine, Nimue, Nitsuj, Odessyus, Saraphin, Sarig,
Shamisen, Shingo, Thabo and Tobie
Mortal Editor: Kuah
Immortal Staff:
Kyrnia, Lascivias and Loril
Immortal Editor: Ayesh
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Cry3 - 9 The Newbie Council
Meet a handful of members from the NC, and hear them speak on a
Council that they hold dear.
Cry10-11 The Ruins
All is quiet and restless in the Realms of the Pkiller
Cry12 Symposium News
Read about the latest from the TS!
Cry13-16 Random Encounters
Loril is at it again, introducing us to fascinating people
Cry17-20 Quest and Contest
The winner to last issues contest, as well as a new contest!
and we have an urgent message from the Duke!
Cry21 Poets Corner
A new section to the CoD, Poetry!
Cry22-25 Funny Bones
Top Ten, Jokes and The Sage Elbanon returns with wisdom!
Cry26 Group News
News on Guilds/Orders/Nations
Cry27-29 Submitted Works
Stories and Poems submitted by the public
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The Newbie Council . By: Kuah Cha'Din
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I take us to a place we all have been. Its structure and host now
more than a part of DarkHaven. Where the screams of confusion and
the grunts of training are common place. I am talking of course,
about the DarkHaven Academy.
But it is not the academy I wish to focus attention on this day. My
subject will be the council that can lay claim to the academy as its
head quarters. The council who would gladly assist those new to the
city of DarkHaven and to the Realms.
So I searched all over the realms for Council members to ask them in
their own words the whys and hows of being on the Newbie Council.
From what the Newbie Council is to them to some of the funniest
stories they shared with me, it was a lesson that was more full of
answers than a help file ever was.
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The Newbie Council . By: Kuah Cha'Din
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While talking with many of the members that I ran into during my
travels for this article, the first thing I would always wonder was
how they would describe the Newbie Council in their own words. I
learned fast that it was pretty much the same answer across the
board.
Vira, a council member for 2 years now, "Well, we try to help out
everyone adapt to the mud, help them take their first steps."
Jonqualyn also a council member for 2 years, "The Newbie Council is a
band of intrepid and experienced adventurers, who have combined their
knowledge and strengths to introduce the 'newbies' of the realms to
the game and to assist those in need.'
And then Raltaris, a member for 6 months, "The Newbie Council is a
collection of like minded people who enjoy each others company and
like to help others in the Realms." He then added, "As for main task,
The council is just a means by which these people can help newbies
better."
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The Newbie Council . By: Kuah Cha'Din
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I know, I know, ask something that would spark answers that are more
entertaining to read and hear about. I was just amazed at how every
answer to that first question was identical. So we can rest better
now, knowing they all know the task and focus of the Newbie Council.
Everyone of the Council members I met with was also on the same page
as far as how the Council itself has not changed that much since its
start, only the faces have. But each member is well prepared, there
to handle those who seek need in their first days in the Realms
Try and remember back to your first days in the Realms. Just how big
is this maze under the Tullfuhrzky Manor anyway? And who is this
Tagetarle person and why should I care? Where is my corpse? Why did
this Asp person just kill me. How do I, Where do I, When, What...
And thats not even including the dredded 'no clue but here it comes
anyway question', "What do I do?"
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The Newbie Council . By: Kuah Cha'Din
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There has to be something special about those who can handle the
repetative nature of assisting new members to the Realms. I was so
courious to find what sort of people we were dealing with here. I
asked some of them to tell me what drives them to be on the Newbie
Council, what personal reward could they gain from it?
Raltaris told me "Well by joining NC i've met a lot of awesome
people, found out the immortals dont just slay on sight and are
actually super cool and that warm fuzzy feeling you can get
sometimes."
Then Jonqualyn added "The driving force of any NCer is usually the
same, the desire to help others, and to guide them to become more
than they began as."
And as for reward, Vira stated "It's the 'Thanks!!!' you get!"
Jonqualyn then said, "The rewards can be as small as a quiet
"thank you", or as huge as the friendship and companions in the NC.
Both are equally nice."
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The Newbie Council . By: Kuah Cha'Din
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
Try to remember back to when you were a new player and you did some
of the most dumbest things. (I still do them now, but thats not a
flaw, it is just character... or is that character flaw?)
Anyway, I asked the members I talked with to share with me some of
their favorite memories and funny stories from the Council.
Laurel, who was fairly new to the council, answered about her
favorite memory, so far, while in the Council. "My first difficult
CR(Corpse Retrieval) I believe it was in The Blasted Lands, where I
had never been before. 'Newbies' do get lost in the toughest places.
I did a successful CR and was very pleased with myself."
Raltaris added, "Well some of the best memories are like the great
feeling you get when you find a particularly hard CR. Especially
when the CRee turns around and says thanks. Most times the warm fuzzy
feeling you get makes the CR good."
Laurel then added "Also, there was the newbie I CR'd... He was so
grateful he gave me all his money. All 10k of it!" Laurel chuckled,
"I did give him the money back though."
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The Newbie Council . By: Kuah Cha'Din
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Jonqualyn spoke, "There have been several times whilst CRing that I
have watched other NCers drown in the pixie pond. Being a sea-elf,
its nice to gloat about those times."
And I'll admit, I have drowned there as an Avatar. But her telling me
this made me laugh, it is a classic! Jonqualyn said, "Of course, I
always remind them to cast aqua, after the first death."
Raltaris then added, "The strangest thing, well amazingly the strange
things tend to come from the interactions with Immortals. They have
some weird answers to some things.
Newbie says 'How do I become Immortal?'
Parisul says 'It's a very tiresome journey involvoing some coal and
a yak. A furry one.'
Raltaris asks Parisul 'So how does this furry yak and coal thing
work?'
Parisul answers, 'Can't. You aren't allowed to know until the sacred
journey starts so you can't study up on it.. :p'
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The Newbie Council . By: Kuah Cha'Din
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
The Newbie Council has always been there for those new to the Realms.
And it was unanamous that there would always be a place for the
Council.
Vira spoke, "Yes, there'll always be people that love helping
others."
Jonqualyn added "The NC is one of the first and most important
organisations a newbie meets in his life in RoD, and one that is
often a dependable lifeline for many."
I want to thank all of the members I had the pleasure of meeting. I
am beyond sure that all those new to the Realms and those who seek
support are in good hands if the Newbie Council is even half as nice
and as professional as they were when talking to me. Thank you.
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The Ruins . By: Odessyus
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Once again I have traveled back to the town of the dark ones, it
seems to be a new hobby for me.
I made my way to the crumbled temple, hoping to find some new
parchments to read. When I arrived there, there was a glowing
parchment, attached to a pole which was sticking straight up out of
the ruins. It stated that the immortals will no longer tolerate the
use of derogatory language towards anyone and the punishment for not
abiding by this new rule will result in the immortals using their
godly magic and taking away ones voice.
The town was very quiet on this day, I could not find any mortal to
evesdrop on. I wandered around the town some more until I came
across a few more parchments, cluttered around one another. Each
had some things scrawled on it about how effective mages are if
they cannot summon up mindless drones to do their bidding and
how it is only taking away from their abilities if they cannot steal
wields any longer.
A few of the parchments spoke out against Merida once again, they get
boring, so I decided not to read them and moved along.
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The Ruins . By: Odessyus
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I finally found some mortals while wandering the town and hid behind
some rubble and listened. They spoke of how they wished to have a
place to stay and rest with their own and they wished to bring their
own equipment in from where they origionally came from.
Immortals must have been listening, for a voice boomed from the
heavens and stated how it was abused by the powers before.
I found more parchments against the Merida, it must be boring to
live the life of a dark one if all there is to do is insult the
Merida.
I did find another glowing parchment however, one that stated that two
mortals will be spending time in hell for listing family members of
certain mortals.
The town was still pretty much empty and lifeless, and I was tired and
sick, so I left to my warm bed back at DarkHaven.
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Symposium News . By: Shingo
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The past two weeks have brought some major changes into the council.
We have created a sub-committee within the council which will deal
in certain aspects of the ideas that are brought to us.
Valanna heads this sub-committee.
Aside from some of the changes in the council, we discussed on many
ideas. We have passed an idea to increase one's mobility, and we
might see a new race of creatures.
Applications to The Symposium have reopened - more information
posted in the Archives of the Town Hall. We look forward to seeing
new faces in the Council.
Shingo
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Random Encounters . By: Loril
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I've lived many centuries in these Realms and during that time I've
had the good fortune of meeting many strange, fascinating and
wonderful people. My intention is to introduce some of them to you
and, when possible, interview them for the Cry of Despair.
I'm finding that, my plans notwithstanding, it's not always turning
out that way... as the following story will attest. I met Lynda only
after this story was handed to me by someone who begged to remain
anonymous. Of course, I would never write about someone without their
permission. Lynda gave it (and laughed at me!) so here it is. I
present to you now, Lynda, Anti-comedogenic Sister of the Coin.
Short, blonde and fleet of foot, I almost didn't notice Lynda as she
passed me in the entry to the Grim Smile that day.
Her equipment, is the best available and obviously in good working
condition. But there's no shine to her boots or metal garments. Her
robes are tattered though servicable. She wears these... rags...
almost proudly, I'd say.
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Random Encounters . By: Loril
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
She looked me up and down, with this sneer on her lips and I found
myself wondering why I'd spent so much time polishing and mending
this morning.
Wondering suddenly why I spend so much of my time in worthless
pursuits. I caught myself starting to question many things I
previously thought to be important.
I sat down to ponder these strange thoughts when the sound of a huge
"PTHPTHPTH!" half startled the life out of me! I jumped to my feet,
curses to a thousand gods on my lips!
Lynda retrieved her whoopee cusion, threw back her head and cackled
gleefully at me.
She was gone in a blink, and I was left, heart pounding, cursing her
retreating form and wondering why I attached any importance at all to
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Random Encounters . By: Loril
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But still... a strange disquiet remained and I had to know this
person. The guard at Darkwall thought he remembered her heading into
town. Corienne wasn't certain but someone matching Lynda's
description might have sold her a blade of dubious origin. I trailed
her for some time in this manner and finally caught up with her a
few days later at The Inn of the Last Home. I talked to her (drinking
far too many jello shots in the doing) and here is her story as I
gathered it that night.
Born, she assumes in Darkhaven, that town is where she was 'raised'
by her father, Sid, a silly street peddler, killed by an avatar for
being too spammy. Lynda is somewhat proud of her father for not
losing his life to a newbie as had so many of his cronies. Lynda
witnessed many of these killings, including that of her father. Her
only regret is that he was stupid enough to spam an avatar and die
for it. She never knew her mother but assumes her thieving skills
derived from that source.
Lynda spent her childhood on the streets of Darkhaven... her friends,
the beggars and stray dogs... her companions the books in the Lounge
and her daydreams while staring out the window of the Western Lounge.
Much of her childhood was spent reading, daydreaming and listening to
stories in the Lounges and the Grim Smile, undetected by those doing
the telling.
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Random Encounters . By: Loril
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
She says her time in the streets, her reading and snooping taught
her four things: evil people kill innocent people; stupid people die
stupid deaths; good people are usually mis-understood, even
considered to be insane ...
I interrupted her here. Insane, I wondered? Yes, she replied. Her
boyfriend is a chicken and the kindest, deepest, sanest person she's
ever known. A chicken, I sputtered .. like in .. a hen? Her response
was to simply nod and smile. After a moment I realised Lynda wasn't
about to clear this up for me in any way.
Lynda winked at me as she calmly removed my coin purse from the belt
pouch of the stately looking gentleman at the next table (was that
Duke Luther?!) and paid our bill.
"The fourth thing I learned is perhaps the most important thing of
all. One day, as she was wont to do, Marianna (kind, sweet soul)
brought me a cherry pie and told me the fable of someone named Robin
Hood."
Lynda learned to mis-trust appearances.
After all she's seen and heard, Lynda defies you to define insanity.
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Quest and Contest . By: Staff
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Last issue we had a request from the captain of the guard. His basic
request was for someone to write about the easiest creature to slay.
we had plenty of good entrys, but the winner was none other than
Eldygar. The runner-up (who gains no prize other than we found this
entry so good we decided to print it as well) was written by Tulani.
Thanks to all of you who submitted!
Easiest creature to slay, By: Eldygar, General of Aborlon
Captain of the Guard, greetings to you!
You asked us which creature easiest to kill. You may be disappointed
with my answer as it may not be what you expected, but here it is
nonetheless. The creature, is oneself.
Think on this a moment -- whether we are fresh out of the academy or
seasoned hunters in Seth's Fortress, death is always around the
corner. Even the hardiest among us drowns very quickly in the ocean.
And many the avatar has fallen due to a forgotten protection spell or
two. Then there are the dreaded deathtraps...
So you see, of all the creatures in the realm, until we reach
immortality each of us is very easily slain at times.
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Quest and Contest . By: Staff
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and the runner up...
Easiest creature to slay, By: Tulani, the troll-eating pixie
Hello all. As I was reading the Cry of Despair I noticed the contest
in the corner of the page. Well immediately, I jumped up and grabbed
my quill. For I know the easiest creature to kill, hands down.
Here it is: The easiest creature in all of Realms of Despair is....
the Troll Now you may ask yourself, troll? Aren't they large hulking
brutes with big clubs who squish things? Well, yes and no. Allow me
to elaborate.
First of all, trolls are very large, much taller and heavier than the
average human. This makes them extremely easy to track, as they can be
heard for miles around. Their smell also attributes to the facility of
tracking them.
I have never met a troll who did not smell like a ripe manure pile.
You may have heard the saying, 'the bigger they are, the harder they
fall.' There are several ways to use the troll's weight against him.
They are slow, cumbersome creatures that cannot even hope the match the
speed of a pixie such as myself.
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Quest and Contest . By: Staff
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I favorite tactic of mine is to fly up on high and swoop down upon
the unsuspecting troll like a bird of prey. Now, not to disparage
any trolls, but they aren't all that bright either.
You might say they're a few sandwiches short of a picnic. This makes
luring them into traps as easy as pie. Having hunted and eliminated
many trolls in my time, I have firsthand knowledge of their workings
and therefore must conclude that they are the easiest creature in
all The Realms to kill.
Again, Thanks to all who submitted.
This Issues Contest!
We are holding a contest for best BIO. If you have one you think is
a winner, or know someone who has a great bio. Submit a copy of the
complete bio. (This is what people see when they check WHOIS on you.)
Deadline for submissions: March 22nd
Submissions can be posted e,s,u,u,s,w,s from DarkHaven Square,
and on the note board south of Quills and Parchments on Market St.
REMEMBER: Pictures are nice, but we are looking for Biographies!
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Quest and Contest . By: Staff
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Hear ye, hear ye! A missive from Duke Luther follows.
Avatars of Despair,
The city of Darkhaven once again is in peril.. I seek a group of
champions to fight off this evil. Tournaments to determine the
winners will be held Sunday, March 19th at 5 pm EST. If you wish
to apply, please form groups of four and have the leader leave a
mail message with my secretary, Kyrnia. I am looking for the bravest
and strongest, a team that will help save Darkhaven! Be prepared for
battle.
Duke Luther
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Poets Corner . By: Alendil
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Life twists,
Life turns,
Life leaves you always asking why.
Life speeds by, eternity in a flash
Loves, losses, infant to elder
in the chaos,
the swells and bursts of confusion,
Paths cross that should never meet
as destined mergings go unfound.
We live our lives blindfolded,
Dark clouds whisp in a lost embrace
confusion hinders
ignorance misleads
and friends and loves we tend to miss.
At times life's twists straighten,
doors once unknown swing open;
and in chance if two lights meet,
if two once dim glimmers spark into suns,
and two hearts break and meld as one.
Or if by chance two minds meet,
if a bond with deepest root is given seed to spawn
a friendship forms with springlike beauty,
and two lives happiness are given growth.
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Funny Bones . By: Elbanon, Nitsuj, Kuah
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Words of wisdom and phrases to live by from the wise old sage,
Elbanon.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
At the end of your rope? Tie a knot and SWING!
It is better to keep your mouth shut, and look like a fool, than to
open your mouth, and remove all doubt.
You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they
don't need.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
popular?
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back
Anything not nailed down is mine. (Anything I can pry loose is not
nailed down)
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Funny Bones . By: Elbanon, Nitsuj, Kuah
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This issues TOP 10!: Top 10 famous last words...
10. Warrior to a mage:
What do you mean Aquabreath? Let's just strap on some weights, grab
the trident, and we can be home before dinner.
9. "Sanctuary is a useless spell"
8. Clerics can tank just fine. All I need is a mace and a spellbook
right?
7. Mortal to Immortal:
Staking? I've only been here for 15 hours...
6. Xyz chats "Visit my new mud, it offers more areas, better classes
and all sorts of perks that RoD doesn't."
5. Nah, 50 heals is plenty for killing Seth.
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Funny Bones . By: Elbanon, Nitsuj, Kuah
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4. The room next to me read "DON'T GO HERE, THIS IS A DT!!" But I
went there anyway and I lost all my equipment. What happened?
3. Don't worry about the fly spell. It's possible to sprint across
the pit without falling onto the sharpened steel spikes below.
2. I could kill The Tarrasque with one hand behind my back
while blindfolded...
1. "Ribbitt"
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A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard month of
riding.
"How are we faring?" his king asks.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on
your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."
"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now."
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Funny Bones . By: Elbanon, Nitsuj, Kuah
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FUNNY TITLES
Lyrias: Its all about clown love.
Ibis brews viagra potions for impotent Upomak.
Bruce Wayne killed Superman with Kryptonite.
Uizel? ferret? mink? They all taste the same to me.
Geanma the Genesis wielding Chief Gnome slayer.
Katulu is too hungover to play with explosives.
Lillminx swung her cat 4 times b4 hiting the wall.
Feyd Illiterate? Write today for free help
Ubasolox will kill for eq.
VaCh: I'm not a cow, get ur hands out from under there.
Zoltan mourns the loss of the Buzz.
Kellandra had a dream that locate came back.
Teralayah(- Played with the Deck of Many things and got a
T-shirt that says "Helled and slayed by the Deck!".
Zwanth--once you get to lvl 50 there's NOTHING to do.
Qulex doesn't get stoned... He gets normal.
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Group News . By: Staff
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MaidenStone News
The Order of MaidenStone is currently seeking enthusiastic maidens
to join its ranks. Accomidations such as a masseur, a loving tiger,
a room in which to brew, and much more await!
Grats to Kuah and Raltaris for passing their Warder Quest!
(Please be sure to read 'help maidenstone' if you are interested!)
NOTICE
If you are a REP or wish to be a REP for your group/guild/order/
nation and so on, contact Alerious. This way news from your group
can make it into the CoD. Thank You.
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Submitted Works . By: Public Submitted Works
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Story of Galgorf By: NoCtUrNe
After months of improving and testing my skills in the Darkhaven
Academy I had finally fulfilled the requirements to graduate.
Reflecting an aura of confidence I left the Academy complex and
strode proudly down the busy streets of Darkhaven. While I strutted
around as if I was Hercules himself, peddlers hawking their wares
came up to me, and beggars pleaded for a few paltry coins.
Walking down Horizon Street I heard cheers and laughter coming from a
building to the south. Above it a sign creaked in the gentle breeze,
bearing the words 'The Grim Smile'. I decided something cold to drink
would do me good and walked in. As I ordered a mug of ale I noticed
an older-looking gnome sitting at the end of the bar nursing a beer
by himself. He turned to me and recognized my Academy attire in awe
(or perhaps that was just my imagination) then introduced himself as
a member of the Shattered Refuge village council.
After a few minutes of small talk the man started telling me of the
problems plaguing his village. He told me scientitst with critical
information concerning their inventions had disappeared with no one
able to find any trace of them.
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Submitted Works . By: Public Submitted Works
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
The village council hoped that he would be able to find someone in
Darkhaven to help them. A sizeable reward purse for any help given
finished convincing me, so, without hesitation I offered my
assistance.
Soon after, we were on our way to the village where we met with the
chieftain. He thanked me for my kind offer and gave me a pass that
allowed me to search any person or building I wished. I promissed the
chieftain that I would find the cause of the mysterious
disappearances and left. I thought searching the science buildings
would give me some clues, but I found nothing.
Then, as I was examining some of the strange machines in the last
building, I was suddenly transported to a different location. It
was clearly the dwelling of one of the scientists, but no one seemed
to be home. I took the liberty of going through the inhabitant's
belongings when I heard a muffled cry coming from the large building
next door.
The odd arrangement of the furniture struck me at once, as I entered
the building. I took a closer look at the floor and suddenly found a
trapdoor!
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Submitted Works . By: Public Submitted Works
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
Catching a sudden movement out of the corner of my eye, I turned with
lightning speed. An infuriated gnome scientist stood at the doorway
and with a cry launched himself at me with his knife. In one move I
drew my trusty sword from its sheath, and hewed with all my might at
the traitor. The fight was long and grueling, but in the end I sent
his head rolling to the ground with a powerful sweep.
I ran in excitement to the chieftain's house and explained to him
what had happened. I had revealed the traitor in the village, and
found the way by which the scientists had been abducted. Convinced
and thankful the chieftain handed to me the promised reward. He
assured me that long after, my name would be remembered by the gnomes
as a hero.
After a while I left the village and headed back to Darkhaven. The
gnomes would assemble their men, and further search the caves beneath
the trapdoor of the traitor's house. And I had gotten what I had
strived for. Fame and glory. And money...
Galgorf Dwarrion, Human Ranger of New Thalos.
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Thank you from the Society of Scribes!
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Realms of Despair
Wizlock 
Down